This is just simply getting ridiculous. You would not believe what the last three days have been like. There are days when I wonder how this is even my life. It’s hard to imagine that so much can happen in such a compact amount of time.
I had to take my mother in on Thursday to have a colonoscopy. We thought it was going to be something simple that the doctor could quickly fix. It turned out to be cancer. What was worse, or maybe better, was that Mom couldn’t grasp what he was saying. Maybe having dementia isn’t such a bad thing after all!
I woke up that day with a tickle in my throat that kept getting worse as the day moved on. By the time I took Mom back to the nursing home, I had a full-blown cold. I can’t even remember the last time I had one. I guess it is from all this time at doctors, hospitals, and long term facilities that I spend.
We had already made a commitment to volunteer for this group we belong to that night so off I went with my cold. I kept having to duck out of the meeting to tend to a nose that wanted attention. That gave me a chance to get the call. They were sending my mother-in-law back to the hospital. She had developed an infection in the knee that had been operated on the week before.
We managed to get there one and a half hours before the ambulance showed up. Talk about a long wait! She had also developed a urinary tract infection which means the delirium had set in. She was in and out of reality the whole time. By the time we found out they were going to admit her, it was 2:00 a.m. and I looked and felt like warmed up mush!
My poor husband had to go back the next morning and spend the day with his mom without me. I felt bad for not going with him but could hardly lift my head off the pillow. To say that he had a rough day with his mom is an understatement. I hated that he had to go through that alone. I’ve been there and it isn’t easy.
I woke up this morning with my nose not trying to run away from me so I chose to go with him to check on his mom. We got there to find that the nurse was trying to be nice and gave her morphine. That means that she would sleep rather heavily for the rest of the day but the delirium is going to be massively hard to deal with when she wakes up. You would not believe what narcotics can do to someone with Alzheimer’s. It is extremely hard to watch.
Since she was going to sleep all day, we went to my parents’ nursing home for a belated Grandparent’s Day celebration with my nephew and his two daughters. He brought my parents BBQ and made their whole week! It was good to see them laughing and smiling at my great-nieces. I keep reminding myself that I need to soak in these moments as much as I can. It’s different when you go from knowing that your time together will come to an end someday to knowing that it will be coming rather soon. I try not to let myself go there.
We then decided to do something really radical. We came home to take an afternoon nap! It’s amazing how exciting it can be to realize you can take time out for a nap. We were both still tired from the day before. So we lay down for this nap when the unthinkable happens. I turned over on my side and could feel something roll in my knee. The most hideous pain shot up my leg. I’m thinking I twisted my knee. We can’t go get it checked out though since we no longer have insurance and we are out of money. Thankfully though, we have all kinds of medical equipment for the parents. So I’m now scooting around the house using my mother-in-law’s wheeled walker.
So all of this happened within three days. Three incredibly long days! I know that our life has been clobbered by a hurricane but I wouldn’t mind it if eventually stopped raining on us. Within three days, I found out my mother has colon cancer, my mother-in-law has slipped into another realm, and I got a cold then twisted my knee. That is just beyond bad luck.
I thought about my twisted knee as I was laying there trying to will it to straighten out. What if this is a defense mechanism of my body to shield me from everything? If I can’t walk, I can’t see my mother-in-law in this state. If I can’t walk, I can’t take my mother in for her CT scan to see if the cancer has spread. Can your body actually cause you harm in an effort to shield you from emotional pain? Hum.
If there happens to be anyone reading this, I hope this makes you feel a little better to know someone else is having it worse. Though I bet there is someone out there who has had an even worse week than me. To you, I’m sorry and I feel for you. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Unless you are in a situation like myself. In that case, keep on rolling!