Nothing Else Matters

My husband tricked me on Sunday into going to see the doctor. He needed to get an immunization shot for work and said I should get on the list to see a doctor while we were at the clinic. The receptionist said it wouldn’t hurt to see one. I am totally grateful for that smooth move. You sometimes don’t realize how sick you are until the antibiotics start to kick in. What is scary is the fact that I am so used to having trouble breathing at times that I don’t always realize it is going on.

Day 21 and I am starting to feel human again. I had a couple of other days when that happened then slid backwards pretty fast. I’m not doing anything to jeopardize that this time! It feels good to finally have energy to do even simple things like make calls and write thank you notes.

Yes, I’m working on my post-funeral list of things to do. One of those things is the writing of the thank you cards. I’ve never been good at thank you cards. I’m not very good at receiving gifts or receiving help either. My husband’s brother and sister-in-law who helped us save our house last year sent us gift cards for dinner and a movie for Christmas. I figured that would be a good time to finally properly say thank you for the help last year as well.

I have been fretting over what to say in that card for three days now. Granted, my brain hasn’t been working very well and I couldn’t put two words together to save my life. Then this morning I saw a video that James Hetfield posted from Mozart’s Heroes of a couple of men playing a guitar and a cello doing a cover of “Nothing Else Matters” by Metallica. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. At that very moment, everything from last year clicked into place. The card just wrote itself.

What I realized is that I have been pissed off at the world because it gave us Alzheimer’s. My mother-in-law was the nicest lady you have ever met. What we had to watch her go through last year was pure cruelty and torture. It wasn’t fair that she had to endure all that she did. She did it with utmost grace. She never lost her sense of humor and kindness even when she seemed to have completely lost herself. Talk about having a strong character.

I was also pissed at the fact that we had no way to help out financially last year when we needed to be able to the most. That was truly frustrating. We came extremely close to losing our house in the middle of trying to watch over the parents. I don’t know what we would have done if we were stuck moving out of here right in the middle of the time that her Alzheimer’s was at its worst. What my brother-in-law did was to give us time to worry about the house later so that we could give our time to my mother-in-law. Time to take care of her was much more important than keeping a perfect credit score. We’ll have time to get that fixed later. At the time last year, nothing else mattered except for watching over Sally when she needed us the most.

My parents’ are settled into the nursing home and don’t need as much one-on-one attention as my mother-in-law did. We have time now to get back to work on fixing our financial situation without it hurting their care. When it comes down to it, it is all a matter of priorities. Some times you have to sacrifice certain things in order to see to the truly important ones. That is what I learned last year.

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