This year is a continuation of the past couple of years. I don’t seem to get a break. I keep getting hit with wave after wave of desperation. I’m now in a tailspin trying to figure out how to pull up and level out this out of control plane called life.
When my father first got sick with the respiratory infection a few weeks ago, I knew what was coming. The end. Not even a full two months after losing my mother-in-law and I was hit with the realization that the end would be coming soon for my dad.
Three weeks ago, I had the talk with his doctor. She said that his Parkinson’s was getting worse and it wasn’t a respiratory infection that first caused him to get sick but aspiration pneumonia due to the fact that he has so much trouble swallowing. She said that this was going to keep happening more and more frequently. It was time for that word that no one likes. Hospice. Hospice care is actually wonderful. The bad part is the fact that they are officially on end of life care now. That just screws with your brain.
The hospice admitting nurse came to evaluate my father at the nursing home. He shares a room with my mother so the nurse was able to meet her too. While discussing everything, she stated that my mother met the qualifications too since she has dementia along with colorectal cancer. Yep, both my parents went on hospice that day.
I thought I was handling it well until I wasn’t! Let’s just say I emotionally lost it for about three days. I’m feeling a little better now. What helped snap me out of my funk was going down to work on cleaning out my in-laws’ house. I spent four days down there working until midnight each night cleaning and organizing that house. By the time I left, I was feeling more like myself than I have in over a year. I think I needed the break from all the responsibilities.
I knew that the end was getting closer when my parents moved into the nursing home. You just don’t realize how close it is until you hear the word hospice. I’m still trying to figure out how to process it all. I don’t know if I want to process it all. I’m ready for a little old good fashioned ignorance is bliss. I know. I’m way past the point of ignorance.
Hope everyone out there is doing well. Let’s keep taking things one step at a time. When you don’t, you end up like me. Flat on your face in the sand with one wave after another crashing down on you. Watch out for those waves of life.